September 1st 2012 - I have written a novel; it is called ‘Fifty Sheds of Hay’ it is proper filthy and is sure to be a hit with perverts. I haven’t heard anything from the publishers yet but it’s only a matter of time.
September 7th - I am currently in France on a bird watching trip. I met a curious fellow yesterday; I was walking through the woods when he approached me. I had already got some good pictures of songbirds and was leaning against a high wall and we got chatting, I told him about my collection of bird watching photos and he said if you can get a camera over the wall I could get some pictures of a “pair of Great Tits”. Well I jumped at the chance! I have pointed my long lens at plenty of birds over the years but this was too good an opportunity to miss. I had to stretch to get my camera over the wall (lucky I am nearly twelve feet tall) so couldn’t see what I was shooting but the chap helpfully let me use his telephoto and promised to forward the pictures to me, “Oh, you’ll see them soon enough” he said.