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An announcement from the Bale Man

Posted on 10/09/2012 by Bale Push Administrator in The Bale Man
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I am furious! In fact I dare say I’m the angriest straw based person in Britain right now. Someone, somewhere (probably Scotland) has set up a Scottish Bale Pushing Championships! I don’t know where to begin, for a start I am entitled to a cut of all Bale Push revenues which I put in my highly reputable Barclays account, as this new Bale Push has not been authorised by me, they won’t be paying me my hard earned commission. No doubt they know this, we all know about Scots and money....

This new event could be using any old rules, this could be a disaster! We really don’t want a League versus Union situation going on here. We would be Union, obviously.

I’m fairly sure that as novices the Scottish pushers will be of a pretty low standard, we had some Scots participating last year and they came nowhere near winning, some of them were drunk! Actually I think they were a bad influence because a fair number of the local participants were also drunk. Having said that I would be more than happy to accept a challenge from these upstarts, if they can cope with the weather in Cornwall of course, I don’t want them getting sunburnt.

Finally, in the hope of putting this situation to bed, I would like to make the following points;

  • If you watch Braveheart to the end, you will find that the English win.
  • Daniel Craig could beat up Sean Connery, easily.
  • Gordon Brown
  • Men should not wear skirts in public, it attracts the wrong type of attention.
    I’ve only heard this, you understand, I’ve never worn women’s clothes, not me, never.