September 1^st 2012 - I have written a novel; it is called ‘Fifty Sheds of Hay’ it is proper filthy and is sure to be a hit with perverts. I haven’t heard anything from the publishers yet but it’s only a matter of time.

September 7^th - I am currently in France on a bird watching trip. I met a curious fellow yesterday; I was walking through the woods when he approached me. I had already got some good pictures of songbirds and was leaning against a high wall and we got chatting, I told him about my collection of bird watching photos and he said if you can get a camera over the wall I could get some pictures of a “pair of Great Tits”. Well I jumped at the chance! I have pointed my long lens at plenty of birds over the years but this was too good an opportunity to miss. I had to stretch to get my camera over the wall (lucky I am nearly twelve feet tall) so couldn’t see what I was shooting but the chap helpfully let me use his telephoto and promised to forward the pictures to me, “Oh, you’ll see them soon enough” he said.

September 10^th 2011 – Well that was a hectic Bale Push! Every year they thank the volunteers helping on the night, the organisers and the competitors but what about me? These helpers know what they are getting into and if you are daft enough to compete, any praise would be wasted on you anyway. Never a word of thanks for me, I spend weeks being driven around meeting people and spreading the word and, frankly, no-one would turn up on the night if I wasn’t there lending my star power to the occasion. I was thinking about this as I watched everyone clearing up the village this morning, they’d be ruined without me. Anyway I’m rewarding myself for my hard work with a trip to New Zealand for the Rugby World Cup, which should be relaxing.

I am furious! In fact I dare say I’m the angriest straw based person in Britain right now. Someone, somewhere (probably Scotland) has set up a Scottish Bale Pushing Championships! I don’t know where to begin, for a start I am entitled to a cut of all Bale Push revenues which I put in my highly reputable Barclays account, as this new Bale Push has not been authorised by me, they won’t be paying me my hard earned commission. No doubt they know this, we all know about Scots and money....

Crantock’s famous Bale Man keeps a high public profile during the run up to the Big Bale Push, but up to now, little as been known of his movements during the rest of the year. Here we can exclusively publish extracts from his diary, which will provide some surprising insights into his busy schedule.